The Goatman Rules

After ten weeks of competition this season, I’ve come to a conclusion; there is an elaborate conspiracy among the organisation at Ipswich Basketball, a conspiracy to adjust the scores and to change outcomes of games and even out the competition. This season, I have witnessed referees throw games, make up calls, and turn a blind eye to other obvious calls, on far too many occasions. Specifically, they’ve targeted a key player in the league and done as much as they can to change the outcomes of games in which he and his team plays, to create a ‘fair’ competition.

That player is me, Cail Rayment.

And I call this real conspiracy “The Goatman Rules”.

Last night, once again, in an effort to bring down the Jagerbombers (the most dangerous team in the league), the officials for the game set out with the deliberate intention to neutralise the catalyst, Cail Rayment and create an upset. Of course, fixing games is cheating, so to cover this up Ipswich Basketball employs their referees to appear like they can’t referee at all. They do this very well, and at the same time, refuse to call even the most flagrant fouls against players defending Cail, yet at the other end of the floor make up phantom calls to foul him out of the game.

It seems this is the only way to stop the greatest player to ever play at the Ipswich Basketball Association. But I’m completely unstoppable, I’ll rise above these shonky referees and entire teams trying to defend me and deliver a crushing tomahawk in traffic.

Don Nelson recently said, “There have been a lot of great players at Ipswich Basketball, but there has never been a greater player than Cail Rayment.”

I’m that damn good. The MVP race is over. I win. And the Jagerbombers are going all the way.


*pictures from last nights game >>>>HERE<<<<